USDA CAVEMAN APPROVED

You can't teach a caveman new tricks

The internet is a virtual frontier, where everything is accessible and the” cavemen auto detailers” run wild. For a short time the caveman dominated the Internet detail forums. Banned together in their natural quest for survival, their sells tactic is to attack and overwhelm as a group.
Cavemen are physical individuals and prefer doing than learning. Leaning new things is a challenge for them, so once they learn a trick they stick with it. In this case the trick was “How to wax a car”. Allied with sponsors from wax companies who stood to gain new business, the cavemen viewed the sponsorship as an endorsement and immediately proclaimed themselves to be “Automotive Detail Experts”.
With “Locust like” precision they begin to infest the Internet detail forums and snare the unwitting, increasing the size of their Parrot command” (individuals who repeat what the caveman tells them) and bringing new business to their sponsors. New forum members believing that the information the cavemen had was valuable sought acceptance from the cavemen in the form of “Caveman Approval”.
Yes it appears that “Caveman Approval was a sought after social status at one time.
If the cavemen gave you a “clubs up” you were “In like flint”. You could join them in meaningful banter about the tools of the trade. Things like:
” How do you get swirl marks off your car”? What is the best way to get rid of water spots? Why is one part of the paint shiny and the other dull? What do you use to strip off wax? Should I use clay? How do I use clay? How to repair clay damage. Which buffer should I buy? What’s your favorite wax? What’s your favorite polish? What grit do you start with? Which cleaner wax? Does your wax smudge too? What do you use to get wax off of vinyl trim?
In addition you could join in attacks on members who got the “clubs down”.

If someone entered the forum and voiced a different opinion from what was accepted at “Cavern College”, you would now have the ability to call on the “Forum Parrots” for a immediate and brutal verbal lashing of the offender.
Caveman approval comes with privileges, it allows for the comfort and security of the pack. Assurance that no matter what difficulties you face while using caveman technology you won’t be suffering alone.
Lately the clout that comes with “Caveman approval” has been less desirable. People just want their cars to look good. Very few people who live “productive lives” have the time, or energy to spend performing the old school ritual of spending hours waxing a car or the futility of defending the virtues of wax online.
More and more people are saying, “Not on my new car!” when it comes to wax.
This has caused the caveman world to begin to fold in on itself as he finds more and more of his restoration tools showing up on “Picker” shelves and museums. The caveman’s response is typical, he’s angry.
He sees his importance fading into nostalgia as new technology and products flood today’s market.
We live in a fast food world, time is of the essence, while the caveman is walking around dragging his knuckles on the ground refusing to accept reality, the rest of us are moving along at “warp drive”.
Yes the caveman’s day in the sun has come and gone, but don’t pity the caveman. Cavemen are a hearty breed and there will be some specimens left………..maybe. Certainly there will be some old cans of carnauba wax left…..in the Smithsonian.
At any rate the USDA (Unorganized Subterranean Detailers Association) aka “Caves R US” are not expected to go away without a fight.
You will find them appearing out of nowhere, reciting from their ancient text of detailing, cursing the light of day that illuminated a world of technology the caveman could no longer understand.
If you find yourself in a conversation with someone who turns out to be a caveman (usually the drag marks on their knuckles will give them away), remember this.
To a caveman an orbital buffer is the holy grail of detail technology. He believes you should clay and polish a new factory paint job. He believes you should use sandpaper to remove headlight oxidation. He won’t understand anything that does not involve brute force, friction or abrasives. He does not understand that technology changes with time. He will not understand why you don’t use wax.
Cavemen are known to attack things they do not understand.